Contingency Plans

Did you think I gave up posting again?  Nope.  The last three weeks just left me with little brain-power for writing, as therapeutic as it may have been.  In May I wrote about contingency plans.  I'm even more grateful for them now than I was then.

Brutal Irony

Back in the fall, I applied for a competitive graduate program at BYU for which I would need to be granted a sabbatical to do.  I made it into the program and was granted a 75% salary sponsorship.   The Granddaddy of all sabbatical sponsorships.  And the ONLY sabbatical of any sort JSD offered this year.

You would THINK this would be cause for celebration.  I was gifted the best possible situation for a nationally top-ranked program.  However, because of the structure of the sponsorship compared to my current job, the salary loss would’ve been closer to 40%.  Due to that, combined with many other factors, I decided to keep my job if it held through the district split and budget cuts.  It looked like it would hold, so I forfeited the sponsorship.  (I’m probably the only one in the history of the program to give up the Granddaddy of sponsorships… )

Well, deeper cuts were made.  In the end, I gave up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to keep a job I lost.  How ironic!  Hindsight is so clear.  And so brutal.

Tender Mercies

Fortunately, I intuitively knew this would happen a few weeks before it did.  When the call came, I knew what it was for, and a very calm lamb went to the job slaughter meeting.  I think everyone involved was surprised at just how calm I was. My mom said I was the only one she ever heard of weeping for joy after receiving a pink slip (the memo for the meeting was actually printed on pink paper).

I’m very grateful for the foreknowledge and comfort I felt through what could have been a swim through brimstone.  Instead of crying for the loss, I wept in gratitude for new opportunities.

You see, I landed on my feet.  Though my salary will be significantly less than my current job, my new position is close to home and will enable me to have more time off for internships in my new night program at BYU.  Additionally, and most importantly, I will work with a talented administrator from whom I will learn much.  With the exception of being able to go back in time and choose differently, I landed in the best possible situation. 

Insanity by Adrenaline Crash

My job was cut on Tuesday, I met with HR to sign papers and investigate possibilities for new positions on Wednesday.  By Friday morning, I knew exactly where I wanted to be and met with HR to finalize my new assignment. 

Immediately after I left the HR office, I stopped by Smith’s Marketplace.  While there, I realized I was beginning to crash after being sustained by adrenaline for three days.  I was dizzy, frazzled, and exhausted.  Though I was calm throughout, it was very stressful, and I hadn't slept much during the week.  I also realized I hadn’t eaten much in three days, and bought some apple chips and a pint of milk.

While munching on apple chips as I walked to my car, I realized the person loading the SUV next to Bleu was a friend from high school whom I hadn’t seen in nearly 20 years.  What timing. 

He didn’t recognize me at first.  Through a mouth full of apple chips (one forgets manners while crashing), I reassured him it was me, and that I looked a lot different now.  (20 years and 100 pounds tends to alter one’s looks… ).  In conjunction with the ensuing small talk, he asked how I was doing.  Uh-oh.  When one is adrenaline crashing, one has few filters. 

There were actually three people in this conversation:  High school friend, Crashing-me, and Sane-me.  In answer to his ill-fated question, I tried to explain a little of my week.  It didn’t make much sense, so I tried a little more.  Crashing-me kept spewing details without filters.  High-school-friend edged closer and closer to his SUV with a “she’s crazy” look on his face.  Sane-me, saw him thinking Crashing-me was crazy and heard Crashing-me continue to verify that notion, but was powerless to intervene.  She just floated, understanding what was happening, but her hands were chained by the adrenaline crash.  

Thank goodness for 110 banked sick days.  I took the rest of the afternoon off and slept most of the weekend, napping in long blocks, which is something I very rarely do.  Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

Sane-me was mostly back in the driver's seat by Monday.  J  And still is, though my short-term memory is SHOT TO THE PLACE WHERE BRIMSTONE RESIDES.  (I really want my sharp thinking and photographic memory back!  I miss my brain!  Will my 40 year old cerebrum ever rebound and get better?!)

Ramping Down & Ramping Up

My current job will wrap up in six days.  It feels good to complete final projects and presentations, sure up last details, pack my belongings, and move my office home for a bit.

My graduate program begins in nine days.  My new job will go into full-force about three weeks after that.    

Though my new paths are not my first choice in life options (I would much rather be walking down a path holding hands with a good man), I am grateful for a new road and the opportunities I have to progress and serve.  I know I have “Been Given Much.”  For that I am grateful.

Now that my life has settled a bit, I’ll resume posting more regularly.  Heck, this post is so long it should count for at least three. J